There was a day, a long time ago....I was 19..
..and I fell asleep in an attic, and woke up within a dream. I stood in the most brilliant white light, with pure and shimmering walls, detail oriented floors and intricate sculptings all around me.. in the temple of My Father.. in the House of my Savior.. and there was a man in white, standing before me. He told me Jesus Christ would be here in a moment.. to speak with me.
Hardly in life have I captured such a feeling..
My breath caught up in my chest.. my anticipation overwhelmed any acknowledgement of all else..
But..
There was a guy next to me, who did not have the covenants I did, who stood in jeans within this temple. Who stood ignorant of who or where he was. The man in white watched me for a few seconds.
I said nothing.
The man's eyes saddened as he said, "The time has passed." The Savior would not be coming. I had not fulfilled my purpose. The guy in jeans ran out of the temple. I had missed my chance. I had EVERYTHING in place for me, I had him standing by me, curious as to what was happening- MORE than ready to hear the gospel.. and I denied him the oppurtunity to partake in the knowledge of the restored gospel, when all I had to do was open my mouth.
That dream haunted me for years.
I refuse to let that happen on my mission. In fact, that dream in itself, as I have prayed and studied and tried to understand it, was a call long beforehand to this very mission.. at this VERY time. And if so far ahead God so urgently planned for me to be here.. then he CERTAINLY planned ahead, prior to my mortal existence, for me to serve him as a missionary.. For in the first place, we were ALL on the same standing in the premortal life (Alma 13).
God HAS a purpose for us..with specific directions, and specific blessings.. That glorious Plan of Salvation goes intricately and PERSONALLY into the threads of our souls, saturating every microfiber until there can be no doubt that God's plan IS the happiest plan.. He will teach us, he will show us the way, he will invite us to trust Him and take care of us as his own children, all our lives.. but the POWER that allows him to do so, is OUR covenant keeping. Our reaching out to Him.
Only then can the windows of Heaven burst open. Only then can light, life and treasures of great knowledge instil upon every inch of us.
In my dream, that man had the perfect set up- he was ready, he was able, he was willing. He could have had what I HAVE! And in it, I chose to turn down MY blessings, by turning down his chance to be blessed.
Yes there are times where fear, awkwardness, approaching people can be difficult- but WHEN someone is ready, when they WANT to know- and are RIGHT THERE, to THEN deny them those spiritual nutrients.. THAT is wherein the blood stains ME. That is where I deny my Savior by denying their Savior, through silence.
I will never let that dream take place in reality. Never. Not on my mission. Not in this life. Not in the next life. Never. And because of that real and true Atonement of Jesus Christ, the time has NOT passed.. in fact, the time has been well spent.. and it is because of my covenants, that I can say so, and make it so, the rest of my mission, the rest of my life.
